Clouded Line IV
Some times what we write and what we live becomes confused
Dec 14, 2019 · 7 min read
Photo by David Moum on Unsplash
Sometimes the line between what we write and what we live becomes clouded.
This is #IV in The Clouded the Line Series. Please see I and II & III
I arrived at work about 15 minutes before my shift. I got briefed by my boss about what he needed from me. I have been a lead bartender here at the Cotton Room in downtown Durham for well over two years. I have gained the respect of all bosses and owners. I often run the entire show whenever my manager needs me. He is an unbelievable man and a model to all.
He told me the event tonight was a big fundraiser with some big-time city people. “I’ve put you on the back bar; you should get good action there. Oh, and I’m assigning a new girl with you tonight. Keep your eye on her.”
I often was the new bartender trainer and it was a job I surely enjoyed. I just hoped she was a cutie. I love listening to these ‘today’ women and love their stories. They certainly aren’t the same women I knew in my 20s.
As I set up the bar, a shy and somewhat pretty girl approached. I watched her walk towards me and saw a lot of confidence in her walk. I won’t say she was very pretty, but she had a subtle, almost underlying, beauty. Beautiful green eyes and a pretty smile and though she didn’t fit my definition of ‘gorgeous,’ she certainly was easy to look at.
“Hi. My name is Amelia.” “Hi, Amelia, I’m Gene,” I told her what we can expect and how we should set up. She was very pleasant and took orders well. That relieved me; it would not be a tough night.
As we got started I chatted her up; found she had little to no real bar experience and might need some real help while training. I said, “Look, if someone orders two beers and a martini extra dry tell them I’ll get the beers while Gene makes your martini. I’ll listen for the clue.” That put her at ease.
I wasn’t the type of guy to ‘rat someone out’ because they didn’t have the full experience for the job. We all have to start somewhere. So, that’s basically how our night went; she seemed very comfortable with me.
The night went well. We collected some nice tips. We immediately felt so at ease with each other, as though we had worked together for years. I quickly grew to like her. I shared a few secrets I had picked up in my bartending years and she was an eager learner.
I told her to flirt a bit and the businessmen would certainly love her. She wasn’t hard to love. I had wished I had that power, although folks do love a senior bartender. We command so much respect.
The night was slower than we had hoped for and the downtime allowed us time to talk and learn a lot about each other. When the night was over we said our goodbyes and I hoped we would work together again. I certainly earned her respect.
Night two of the fundraiser my boss briefed me again. “I’ll keep you at the same bar and bring in that girl from last night. How did she do? Know her stuff?” I said, “Yeah she is awesome and the customers love her. Keep her on the shifts.” I was hoping I’d get to see her again.
There was just something about her I liked very much.
She seemed happy and relieved to be back with me. Strangely, our bar was dead and we really enjoyed talking about life. It’s a weird but strange thing when you are stuck in less than 20 square feet with a stranger for 8 hours. It creates a dysfunctional, although very intimate, survival mode. She had an amazingly curious mind, somewhat reserved, but very curious. At the end of the night, I asked, “Amelia, would you like to have lunch with me on Monday?” I knew no bartender works on Monday days. She surprisingly said, “Sure!” So we agreed I’d pick her up and go for some great sushi.
I picked her up and decided we both needed a Starbucks. We went in and I felt a genuine easiness. Our conversation was so natural. She then said, “Do you mind if we do some shopping instead of lunch. I really need to get things done on Mondays.”
“Of course!” I definitely was taken by the fact that she felt so at ease to ask me to shop with her. I looked forward to doing anything with this curiously fascinating creature.
Looking back, I recall that she was soft and gentle, reserved but strong, shy but commanding.
This was an amazing woman!
We continued our pattern of Starbucks, shopping, and soon added lunches. I asked her out for a dress-up dinner. I picked her up and on the way she asked if we could stop at PetSmart so she could get dog food. I loved that about her. No false pretenses. Just a natural night together. Amazing for a woman I had only known a few weeks. When we pulled in to the lot and parked in a spot, she undid her seat belt and asked, “Coming in?”
That’s when I lost it! It was just 30 days ago that my Boston Terrier boy of 14+ years had passed away. I secretly cried every day. Getting to the PetSmart I froze. I could not go in. She went in and when she came out I was still visibly upset. I was now crying in front of a stranger. We sat and talked. We then moved the car to a darker part of the parking lot. We sat there for more than two and a half hours just talking about our dogs and our lives. It was the most beautiful ‘date’ a man could have.
We abandoned our fancy dinner out and I promised her a raincheck. We never did that fancy dinner out. She revealed to me, “We can save money. I don’t need to be wined and dined. I think it’s a waste of money Let’s just get take-out or go for a pizza.”
That’s when we started to get great take-out and spent hours and hours at my apartment. She’d plop down on the couch and say things like “It’s so cozy here, I love it!” This went on for months and I grew so close to her. We would stay up all night and talk and talk. Before I knew it, I really grew to love her deeply.
In fact, I soon realized I loved her more than was humanly possible. We fit together so perfectly. Our time together was so at ease, so beautiful, so inspiring. I had fallen so deeply in love with this amazing woman. Even after almost a year together I never wanted any of our times together to end.
A few days later I came in to work as usual and my boss briefed me about a large insurance company national convention. “I’ll put you at the busy dining room bar and I’ll have a helper for you when I see who shows up (you never knew in this business).”
I began setting up and to my surprise it was Amelia I quickly kissed her hello and she was taken aback by the kiss. I asked, “What’s wrong?” She said, “Sorry. I’m just not used to being kissed by my partnered bartender.”
The night felt strange, strained. She wasn’t very friendly when I mentioned the things we did and the places we had gone. She acted so uncomfortably. It was weird and very awkward.
I asked if I could drive her home and she agreed, although reluctantly. We parked in her driveway and had a long talk. She told me she likes and respects me, but she had a boyfriend and was comfortable in that relationship. If I was looking for more than a working relationship, she was not interested. I asked about all the time we spent together at my apartment and the things we talked about and the love we made. That freaked her out. She said, with shock in her voice, “What are you talking about? You are getting way too weird for me!!”
She put her hand on the door handle and said, “You are really creeping me out. I have never been anywhere with you and I certainly was never intimate at your apartment.” She jumped out of the car and quickly ran to her apartment door. I called out to her, “Wait, let’s talk!” But, it was too late. She was gone.
I drove home in shock and despair. I drove home in the far right lane with my flashers on. Hardly going 35 mph. The fast cars raced by meat 70 mph+. The big trucks scared me. I knew I was struggling but I had to make it home. I had lost a love I had waited for all my life. I was confused and crying and didn’t know what to think.
.
I arrived home, poured a double vodka, and sat at my computer. I pulled up my stories; I had about six or seven in progress. Then, I came across one titled,
‘Amelia.’
I was curious to read it and did so rapidly.
And there it was, all there in black and white. The story I had been writing. A beautiful love story with a girl named Amelia. There never was a real ‘Amelia,’ it never happened. It was all a story.
I just sat there, staring at the computer screen, wondering what was happening with my life.