I know I am probably not the only man on earth to have ever experienced what I did, but I am the only man I know to have ever experienced it.

How do you go on? How do you move forward? How do you not constantly question whether you want to or not?

I know I will survive.

I know someday this won’t feel so overwhelming; but I also know I will never be fully happy again. I will never again reach the heights to which I am capable of.

Bodies heal. Blood dries up. Bruises vanish. It is a miracle to see the healing on the outside.

But the damn mind doesn’t do the same thing! It doesn’t let you forget…It doesn’t let you move forward.

I know I will. I know I will survive.

Everyone else is happy. Everyone is busy moving at lighting speed, uber-ing around, going on vacations, in line at Starbucks.

In love.

But I just want to go slowly. I feel like a car in the slow lane, flashers on, going 35 in a 70 zone.

I need something, something from anywhere, to let me move forward.

I haven’t had more than five hours sleep in days.

I’m exhausted.

I know I will. I know I will. I know I will survive.

I’m a shadow of myself.